Sunday 7 February 2010

Toilet Chronicles

We are in Goa, standing outside a car hiring station where I recall having this wierd conversation.


Elden - Dude, nature calls. Anyone want to come with me ?
Jaideep - To watch you pee ?
Elden - No, no. We can go ask the car guy if there is any place nearby.
Rohit - Where the fuck do you think we are ? Fucking Singapore ?
Saagar - Ha ha, place to pee for fuck's sake ! This is India, man. Unzip, Hold and Shoot.
Elden - Whatever happened to good old Hygiene ?!?
Rohit - I will go with you. I need to deballast myself. Lets ask this guy.
Elden - Dude, is there a toilet nearby ?
Car Dude - Yeah mate, go right ahead.
Rohit and Elden - Thanks man.

*Goes straight in*

Rohit - Man this place smells like Satan took an epic dump. And there is just one shitpot.
Elden - Dude, some perspective okay. A minute ago we were contemplating relieving ourselves on Bipasha Basu's poster, on the wall.
Rohit - Dude, She is the best thing to come out my motherland after Sushmita Sen and Egg Roll. I wouldnt pee on her poster even if they held me at gunpoint. Voluntarily atleast.
Elden - Okay okay. Give me some space man. I really need to go in.
Rohit - Okay. Remember the keywords. Latch and Flush.

*Elden goes in and closes the door while I wait outside*

Elden- Motherfucker ! This shit door wont latch. Just dont come inside !
Rohit - Oh absolutely ! Watching you pee wasnt really on my list of things to do before I die.
Elden - Dude, dont you love the feeling of relief after holding back for so long ?
Rohit - Er, be specific man. That sounded like one of those sweet nothings you tell a chick after sex.
Elden - I am talking about peeing, okay.
Rohit - Okay, whatever. Yeah, maybe.
Elden - Motherfucker !!!
Rohit - Now what ?
Elden - The fucking flush does not work.
Rohit - Motherfucker !!! Thats another thing i will have to strike out from the things to do before you die list. 'Pee on another man's pee.' Thats just fucking sweet.
Elden - Dude, i am done.
Rohit - This place fills me with as much confidence as recovering sexaholic Russell Brand telling poor, unsuspecting Katy Perry: "You’re the only one for me, luv"

* Elden comes out, I go in. I close the door, he waits for me outside while i go in*

Rohit - Fuuuuuckkkk. Ooooh, Aaaaah....... I have waited soo long for this.
Elden - Dude, please stop having an oral orgasm in there.
Rohit - Fuck off man ! Not every moan has to symbolize sexual liberation. Do yourself a favour and cut down the 'Naughty America' for a few days. Maybe then, you can distinguish a 'relief' moan from a 'BJ' moan.
Elden - Now, some perspective here. An All-Guys hostel and No Naughty America is like Metallica without Cliff Burton.
Rohit - True that. Metallica turned a bit shite after he died.Bless the great man's soul ! FYI , My Reynold's number now above 4000.
Elden - If i remember Juggy D's ramblings correctly in Fluid Mech class, you are clearly experiencing Turbulent Fluid Flow. Ha ha, they should put a miniature airhostess inside your tract. "Ladies and Gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts, we are expecting turbulence."
Ha ha ha Ha ha.
Rohit -You Sir, are a disgusting little motherfucker. But tell me, why on earth do you call him Juggy D ?
Elden - Well, if i had a name like Jagdeeshwaran, i would have sued my parents for every freaking penny they got.
Rohit - Not that you have a great name anyway. When i first heard your name i thought you were Elton and Gay.
Elden - I would rather be Gay, than have the name of the hairy protagonist in every second pseudo-homo bollywood flick .
Rohit - Whatever rocks your boat, man ! By the way, there is some graffiti written here above the flush. You read ?
Elden - I saw it but i dont really like to multitask.
Rohit - Its in Hindi, it says - "नन्हे मुन्ने बच्चे तेरे मुट्ठी में क्या है ? "
Elden - Ha ha ha ha.
Rohit - Some imagination to come up with that ! Jesus Christ !!
Elden - Dont take the Lord's name with the Weener in your hand.
Rohit - Sorry.

*I finish with my thing and go out*

Elden - This conversation never happened and no one needs to know.
Rohit - Seriously dude.
.
.
.
.

In seemingly happier times.
.
.

7 comments:

Ramchandra said...

ROFL

Turbulent flow...LOL..am gonna remember this when i have fluid mech next sem :P

BTW..i've seen another beauty in my college toilet..i dare say the toilet is as good as the one the two of you visited..
It says..Itna dhyaan se padha hota to K.T nahi ata.
Then there is another..Upar kya dekhta hai..neeche deekh..tera Bhavishya tere haath main hai.

:P

Krittika said...

:P... Hilarious.

Btw, It's nice to know u guys opted for a loo (and an awesome one at that). Most Indian men treat the world as one big urinal.

chefspeaks said...

Hahaha!! That's really the funniest pee story I've ever read!

Pranav said...

bwahahahahahahaha xD

Rohit Saha said...

Ha ha !! Thanks :-D

Elden said...

Lol.. not exactly the way i remember it, but its funnier this way :-p..

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