Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Drunk Journeyman

Its almost dusk and my eyes wanders on in the evergreen wilderness looking for nothing in particular. I absently run my fingers down my almost bare scalp with one hand and hold on to the metallic cold of the balcony railings with the other as I watch the evening sky illuminated by the last embers of the brilliant red sun progressively devoured by the ample horizon. In the background, Kurt Cobain croons about a love gone wrong. Like sour milk whose unpleasant taste lingers on your tongue long after it has been spit out. Like the residues of human emotion that might have cunningly managed to find a secret crevice in the soul to hide in and surrender itself only when copious amounts of alcohol has flooded your heart completely and forced them out of their hiding place.

And as random and abstract thoughts manifest themselves in my mind, I realize that I have grown tired of a lot of things. I am tired of long drawn out semesters. I am tired of the demanding exams, the bland lifestyle and the mundane routine. I am tired to being confined by chains of obligation and duty to everyone and everything around me. My misplaced sense of generosity coupled with the quest for a secure future has led me to give up everything that defines the very essence of life. I am tired.

Clichéd as it may sound, I just want my life back. I want the boring drone of continual routine to go away to be replaced forever by the voice of Ronnie James Dio. Man ! Listening to his voice gets me high and I haven’t felt that sort of high for quite sometime. I sometimes wonder if I could just summon up the courage to leave everything and go traveling. And every time out of the sometime, a voice in my head tells me to do the sensible thing. That is why the voice of reason is like a nagging wife. And Alcohol is divorce.

And there I was three hours later, deep into my divorce with reason when everything came together in one very clear moment. And it was this moment of clarity where it all played out in front of me and in my state of gross intoxication I understood that all I wanted at this point of time was to go on a journey. The Rum was strong but the desire stronger still. I don’t want my life to go as it was supposed to go. In some ways I wanted to be the like the young Ernesto Guevara who kept his graduation on hold, to traverse along the length of South America on his La Poderosa. I want to have that courage and that belief to go all the way through with it. I want to script my own Motorcycle Diaries and I don’t want my life to come to a point when i have just about run out of emotions and desperate to feel something, anything that i keep falling into someone and fucking our way to the end of days. I dont know what happened to the grand plans which consisted of phrases like 'wind in my hair' ,'adrenalin rush' and 'nomadic life'. I guess they are dead and buried deep under the colossal weight of everyday life. Like it never existed.

Maybe its just the Rum talking. Maybe its the voices in my head. Maybe its Kurt Cobain.
Maybe another drink will make it clear.
"Bhaiyya, Glass Refill Karo."

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

The Creaky Staircase


My name is Rohit Saha. I am 18 years old, with no clear idea of my future, or indeed much of anything else. After 2 idle and slightly bookish years in a modern and well developed part of suberbian Bombay, I had developed an aversion to the world of careers and jobs which, I was destined to join. As I left my carefree high school days behind me, a plethora of endless questions stared me in the face .Each one more unsettling than the other.

My high school days were not the greatest. Particularly due to the fact that it overflowed with bespectacled nerds and unlike what the insane number of mediocre, predictable and mind numbing chick flicks would tell you, it’s the ‘Cool’ people who were among the minority. I personally found it to be a strange strange place. The liberty given in the same place a year ago was cruelly snatched away and probably remained chained in some dusty old dungeon for the whole of the two years that we were there. I always hoped that it would do an ‘Edmond Dantes’ but that never happened. The playful chatter of the corridor was replaced forever by an eerie stillness broken only by the dull grumbling drone of overworked students. They told us that it was time to get serious and do something with your life. I never listened. My delusions had me convinced that life always unfolds like a Tarantino movie, chapter by chapter and at the end when everything goes to shit, things miraculously fall into place. I would later realize that life is not as primitive as seen through the eyes of an overindulgent, pop culture obsessed and twisted American filmmaker .Far from it actually.

My personal expectations of high school had been of freedom, merriment and living life on the edge. Clichéd as they may seem, it seemed a natural progression into the forbidden world which I had been long since denied entry by means of an impassive voice in my head telling me that ‘ you are not old enough, wait till you are in high school.’ After you enter high school , the impassive voice continued to haunt me but the words had changed to ‘Time to build a future.’.

Maybe these well meaning voices did not resonate too loudly in my head as it did with most others but not unlike millions of other slightly better than average Indian students, who go out through revolving door of uncertainty each year, I was unknowingly dragged into the mindless rat race of Engineering Entrance Exams . It was one of those things my febrile mind was always unable to comprehend .All around me people were one by one giving up everything that made living worthwhile, for a BTech degree on their future resumes, which would apparently pull their families out of their relatively meaningless lives of middle class obscurity and have their future mother-in-laws and her bitchy gossip mongering mates in bouts of multiple orgasms. The whole dynamic mechanism of thinking made me really curious but I guess all ‘their’ curiousity was duly exercised in seemingly pointless things which had something to do with stuff like Schrödinger’s Equation and Planck’s constant. It wouldn’t be an understatement to say that , those days in my class, a Second Order Differential Equation could give more guys a hard-on than Pamela Anderson bouncing along the beach in her customary red swimsuit.

As far as Engineering was concerned, I couldn’t give two shits.

My life as an eighteen year old did not revolve around Study Time Tables, Early morning revision, or making furious mechanical notes in classrooms to the extent that a sneeze from the Teacher would duly be jotted down as ‘Acchoo’ in those well manicured notebooks. Life back then was all about being the quintessential teenager. It was about doing things your own way. It was about being different and standing out from the crowd. It was about being your own master. It was about showing the finger to anyone who disagreed to that. It was about wearing ripped jeans, having outrageous hair and getting at people’s faces. It was about wanting to smoke pot and quoting Bob Dylan’s lyrics in every other sentence. It was about talking like Jules Winnfield and dancing like John Travolta. It was about playing Children of Bodom in full volume and watching the neighbours freak out. It was about thinking that the sun shined out of your arsehole and how every creature in this planet were the functions of a single variable called ‘my whims and fancies’.

Then all of a sudden you grow up and all the little myths that your naïve and deluded teenage mind had created vanish faster than blow in a Kurt Cobain concert. This growing up, is also called ‘point of realization’ in several cultures and this symbolic rock hit me with the force of a fusion bomb knocking me unconscious into the grimy and slippery world of repentance and all I could tell myself was , “Fuck ! I should have started studying a couple of months ago.” It was January, and the immense course of ISC was staring at me like a Spider stares at its entangled prey, though my Biology teacher would love to point out that the above expression is not entirely correct on the account of Spiders having ‘compound’ eyes hence its viewing power is limited only to looking at mosaics and then using its highly evil brain to figure out the rest. But that again is a totally different matter.

So there I was, a month from the Board exams, blissfully clueless of everything. One day later, I was quite literally shitting bricks. I did not think it was humanely possible to finish the course of an academic year in a month. The impossibility of it all reminded me of the plot in Tom Cruise’s highly mediocre and mind numbing popcorn flick which had become a raging success all over the world. All that the fucker had to do aside from looking pretty, was to kill these highly dangerous evil agents and in the process, save the world. I had a harder task at hand. It was called Organic Chemistry.

A man in his life sometimes encounters certain things which seemingly possess a curious power of making his balls shrivel up and die. Obviously this much fabled ‘thing’ depends on a lot of variables ranging from his age to his mental state of mind and this generally changes from person to person. I believe that in Organic Chemistry, I had met my maker. Already a couple of months behind schedule, the various permutation and combinations of bonded carbon and hydrogen had well and truly made me their bitch. Add a bit of nitrogen to all that and you have the human brain going tits up and human heart wanting nothing but sweet release.

I now began to look upto all these people who I had secretly laughed at for so long. I laughed at them for spending the best years of their life amidst books. I had laughed at them for not knowing what it was to get high to Jim Morrison’s voice. I sneered at their bad luck for not having chanced upon the intoxicating combination of Vodka and Pink Floyd. I pitied them for not having the balls to experience the wonderful tricks that Marijuana could play with the nervous system. I grinned to myself as I spotted their school pants pulled up almost to their nipples and wondered if these dudes would one day go on to make it big and then buy out some big fashion house and then proceed to finance a whole new geekosexual ‘low chest’ revolution.

A Great Bengali Philosopher had once spoken of the equal proportions of laughter and tears in life. The Buddhists essentially say the same thing but have renamed it ‘Karma’. Whatever it was, it was behaving like an epic bitch with me. It now became clear to as why the geeks never retaliated. Oppressed for centuries it would seem rather odd that they have not yet given up their pens and taken up pick-axes. I was always of the belief that the Apocalypse that they spoke of, was nothing but the time when the normal population would suander past the elastic limit of the geek community, causing a great power struggle and finally resulting in a epic Mordor-like battle leading to the end of the world as we know it.

Two weeks later as I sat wriggling in my seat, writing the paper in the hot sultry afternoon air, my condition worsened with every passing question and I was no longer able to dodge the volley of never ending bullets shooting out from the Chemistry exam paper. I now started to realize why the geeks would never retaliate. I now began to understand as to why my half baked theory of Apocalypse was nothing but an epic failure. It was in these unsuspecting places like examination halls that they have their revenge. As I stumbled out, physically injured and mentally mortified at the cruel torture that was so remorselessly bestowed upon me, I doubted if I would last the night.

I hit the bed, closed my eyes and the last sounds that resonated in my ears were slow and measured chanting in my head.

“His name was Robert Paulson.”

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Current Affairs

Okay, i am not much of a current affairs guy.I do not enjoy writing about them and I have figured that there are enough morons in blogsphere to do that anyway. Most of them are stupid, droll and take themselves too seriously. They go on and on about some self righteous issue based garbage that no one reads except like minded thickos . They are football's equivalent to Liverpool. As much fun as watching shit dry on a stick.

Over the past week or so, the rags and the idiot box have been incessantly informing the world that an exceedingly dumb cricketer and an exceedingly busty tennis player from neighbouring 'enemy' countries are getting married. I called the man 'dumb' because he wanted to get married to some random chick in a photograph and that too at the ripe old age of 21. Dude, seriously ? 1950s got over a long time ago. Times have changed. Most people of the generation who believed that they were marrying a human being solely on the base of photographic evidence have long since left for their heavenly abode.

Anyway, After the initial announcement was made, the skeletons in the closet had something of a huge drinking session in broad daylight. Accusation and counter accusations flew around like a Tennis ball in a Wimbledon final of Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi and it all culminated with the 'Ex' (who weighs approximately 2 Tonnes) grabbing the bowler by his balls and with a grip so strong that it had the former Pakistan Skipper squealing like a little girl. The Tennis player with her ample bosom, fake accent and ever-growing love handles could only watch as her man conceded advantage and match point to who can best be described as the Queen Latifah of celebrity scandals. As Rio Ferdinand would say, He well and truly got Merk'd"

The press had a field day and maybe it was kinda fun to follow the whole case in the newspapers but In the words of a man much more 'awesome' than me,
"It was toilet bound paper."

P.S- Marry me Fatima Bhutto!

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Things You Will Never Say When You Are Drunk

1. No thanks, I'm already seeing someone.

2. Nope, no more alcohol for me.

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. I am a horrible horrible singer.

5. We can't have sex now because i forgot the condoms at home.

6. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee on the road.

7. Sir, I'm not looking to pick a fight with you.

8. When it comes to women, i have standards.

9. You drive. I am drunk.

10. I must be getting home now, I have college tomorrow.

Sunday, 28 February 2010

Just My Thoughts.

I have recently found myself in company with loads of free time. Aside from gawking at hot females on the street and solving intergalactic space crime, life has been pretty uneventful. I have hence retreated back to the shadowy unknown where i chanced upon the scantily clad Cohen sisters dancing around the eight armed Albino Goddess. They sensed my eyes all over their gyrating bodies and invited me over by means of a slow and periodic curling motion of their index fingers. I was startled and offered to show them my book collection and thats when the cruel laughter began. Everything started to dissolve and I woke up drenched in my own sweat.

Its a great day. Sunny and everything. Birds are happy and doing it furiously against the A/C. I am sure you are here for your customary pearls of wisdom and with great difficulty i resist the temptation of free early morning feather porn , and talk to about you issues that are currently going on in this head of mine.

I have just discovered that i am a bit shite at posing for photographs .Can never get the balance right between cheesy grin and comical expression of faked astonishment. End up looking borderline retarded and it happens every fucking time.

- I think Porn gives us men lots of unrealistic expectations. For starters you cannot be ugly as pig shit and have women as hot as that sleep with you in every position imaginable ! I really had no idea knew that a Pizza delivery uniform can evoke that much feminine passion. Also, women have to lower their expectations and come around to the fac
t that not every naked man has dragon tattoos on his back and an organ the size of Chile.

- The Earth is millions of years old and it seems rather silly to celebrate one year. Bit like having a countdown every time
i go to for a piss. And making resolutions is just plain retarded. "I will get a girlfriend, i will get laid , i will get a job and i will cut my nails regularly." Fuck off ! You are the same person and nothing has changed except a digit on the date. If you were incompetent, lazy, fat, stupid or ugly, chances are that the changing digit on the date wont change any of that. Either get a brain or a personality transplant or simply quit it.

- People who continuously and compulsively apologize for trivial mistakes piss me off. You are sorry , he gets it. For God's sake you spilled a glass of water, not fucked his mother.

- If I were gay, I would ask out Al Pacino. If i were gay and retarded, i would cheat on Cheryl Tweedy.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Coming Out Of The Closet

'Geek' is not a word people would generally associate me with. I am highly certain if people i went to high school with, were questioned , they would probably raise their eyebrows, give you an incredulous look and between loud snorts of derision, tell you that you are a 'fucking idiot' and point out to you the error of your ways . Most would prefer remembering me by adjectives like 'rebel' or 'wierdo' but a few lowlives who still bear a misplaced sense of animosity would label me with various uncomplimentary names like a 'Hairy Assbandit'. I kindly request you to ignore them and push them off a mountain cliff. Or better, Set their Irodov textbooks on fire. That would anyways have them jumping off the cliffs voluntarily, Hee hee .

So after much thought and much less action, i have decided to let this be the day that i come out of the closet . I am tempted to deliver a Bill Pullman's Independence Day like speech but i shall refrain for the sake of your sanity and in an attempt to banish your growing sense of disbelief, i shall list to you, things that you barely know about me thus establishing without a shadow of doubt, the extreme levels of geekosterone in my being.

- I read the first 4 Harry Potter books, like 20 times each. I used to steal broomsticks from the house and take them to a secret place. I would then sit on one of them , constantly kicking the ground like an stupid retard . Mom was confused when she saw ' Firebolt' engraved in one of the brooms.

- Wanted to enact the part of 'Tom Marvolo Riddle' in some shitty play in class, when a female ( now a very good friend) looked at me with disdain and said , "Excuse me ? But wasnt Tom Riddle supposed to be good looking ?" ( Still hurts btw)

- Used to trade Pokemon cards with like minded people and i remember telling people off from stealing other people's cards because its not a good thing to do morally and how cards were exactly like Pokemon and you cannot engineer a healty level of mutual trust, admiration and love with stolen cards. Apparently.

- Once, my anger caused me to curse one of my fellow classmates. I lost control as i picked up my pen, shouting at the top of my lungs " You will pay for this, you bastard." and then pointed the pen at his chest and cried, ' Petrificus Totalus'. Nothing happened and i felt like an idiot . Cried myself to sleep that night because this incident had well and try proved that i was nothing but a fucking Muggle.

- I once weighed myself before and after taking a dump. The only conclusion i came to was that i needed an instrument with a much lesser 'least count'.

- Whenever alone, used to borrow the leg of some broken chair, strutting around like Gandalf the Grey complete with his staff . Scared the shit out of my brother once , when i duplicated the epic ' You shall not pass ! ' with the leg of a wooden chair.

- Thought i was as cool as Samuel L Jackson, when i scratched out the ' DO NOT' in the 'Please Do Not Scratch, Scribble Or By Any Other Means, Spoil The Lift.' Got caught the next day trying to add some finishing touches to my 'work' and my dad had to pay the fine.

- Half created a Marauder's map of Singhania and spent more than a month searching for a Chamber Of Secrets in the school. Went to every basin in the school and made hissing noises. People thought i was retarded.

- Wanted to do a Gollum and address my first love letter as ' My Preciousssss.' Thought better of it. Fortunately.

- Choke Slammed a very good friend ( who was an bellend back then) on the teacher's table because he described 'Chris Jericho's entry music as 'tripe'. " Take that you prick !" I remember screaming after i slammed the poor motherfucker, "And you dont say shit about Jericho. Like Ever !"

- Some snake obsessed black magic practising classmate made voodoos of me ( No kidding) because i had apparently pissed him off in some way . One day, i felt his highly evil gaze on me and my stomach started paining real bad. I was convinced that i was completely under his 'spell' and so i tore a paper and wrote my will, donating my books to the charity and making my brother the rightful heir to my epic collection of Pokemon Cards, Tazos and Video games . The pain increased with every passing moment till i got home and took a dump.
My brother was not best pleased.

- I once celebrated scoring a decent goal by doing a Jack Sparrow impersonation of 'Where is all the Rum gone ?' . My team mates asked me if i was on my period.

- Threatened to actually skin a person alive and eat his liver with pineapple jam, when he mentioned something along the lines of Samwise Gamgee and Frodo harbouring sexual feelings for each other.

- Duplicated Ruud Van Nistelrooy's hairdo but couldnt score a penalty to save my life . Duplicated David Beckham's hairdo and couldnt score, no matter how 'Loos' the girls were. Duplicated Jimi Hendrix and got called a rapist.

- Once saw a used condom fallen on the ground and I thought it was a balloon. I was going to blow it up before one of my friends told me exactly what it was used for and the places the rubbery fucker may have visted.

- The first time I was contemplating asking a girl out, I was the confident Marlon Brando in front of the guy friends telling them stuff like ' I shall make her an offer she cannnot refuse' and other similar things. But when it was time to walk the walk,
Rohit- Hi
Girl - Hey Rohit, you wanted to see me ?
Rohit - Er yeah.
Girl - Yeah, what happened ?
Rohit - I was just wondering...
Girl - Yeah..
Rohit - Well, i was just..
Girl - Yeah..
Rohit - Er, i was..
Girl - * Beautiful Smile*
Rohit - What toothpaste you use ?
Girl - Huh ?
Rohit - Yeah, er ! Toothpaste ?
Girl - Er Pepsodent , why ?
Rohit - No, nothing. That was exactly what i was wondering.
Girl - Huh ?
Rohit - Never mind. I was just kinda curious.
Girl - Huh ? Why ?
Rohit - Its er..nothing, really. I am doing like a er...a survey.
Girl - Erm okay. * Fucking wierdo*
That night, Rohit Saha slept with the fishes.

- Was a Self Appointed Sex councillor back in std 6th. Explained to a guy (Code name - Dixcy) that you cannot get pregnant by kissing. To which he said, "Arre Baba , i heard that some glands in the mouth produce semen as well and if this semen gets transferred from my mouth to hers and through her entire digestive tract and into her ovaries , phir to waat hai na ? ". I narrowed my eyes, put a hand on my chin and with a sombre expression said. " Man ! That is something i have never thought about."

- Have seen Fight Club so many times that i rattled out Tyler Durden's entire 'Middle Children Of History' speech, sloshed.

There are many such incidents but i cannot remember them all. So, i think its time to conclude the in depth 'Cribbs' like tour of my closet. The shower of skeletons falling from all directions just goes to show that behind the visage of a Rebellious Metalhead, lies a true Geek . I dont let him come out too often, for this world is not a safe place for him. He will stay locked up in the closet and bide his time. One day, the Earth will become a better place , and he will be free to go.

Blah, i am getting sentimental now, so signing off seems the only logical thing to do . Cheers.

P. S - Watch Francis Ford Copolla's Vietnam War Epic 'Apocalypse Now' whilst stoned. Takes it to a whole new level. :-D

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Toilet Chronicles

We are in Goa, standing outside a car hiring station where I recall having this wierd conversation.

Elden - Dude, nature calls. Anyone want to come with me ?
Jaideep - To watch you pee ?
Elden - No, no. We can go ask the car guy if there is any place nearby.
Rohit - Where the fuck do you think we are ? Fucking Singapore ?
Saagar - Ha ha, place to pee for fuck's sake ! This is India, man. Unzip, Hold and Shoot.
Elden - Whatever happened to good old Hygiene ?!?
Rohit - I will go with you. I need to deballast myself. Lets ask this guy.
Elden - Dude, is there a toilet nearby ?
Car Dude - Yeah mate, go right ahead.
Rohit and Elden - Thanks man.

*Goes straight in*

Rohit - Man this place smells like Satan took an epic dump. And there is just one shitpot.
Elden - Dude, some perspective okay. A minute ago we were contemplating relieving ourselves on Bipasha Basu's poster, on the wall.
Rohit - Dude, She is the best thing to come out my motherland after Sushmita Sen and Egg Roll. I wouldnt pee on her poster even if they held me at gunpoint. Voluntarily atleast.
Elden - Okay okay. Give me some space man. I really need to go in.
Rohit - Okay. Remember the keywords. Latch and Flush.

*Elden goes in and closes the door while I wait outside*

Elden- Motherfucker ! This shit door wont latch. Just dont come inside !
Rohit - Oh absolutely ! Watching you pee wasnt really on my list of things to do before I die.
Elden - Dude, dont you love the feeling of relief after holding back for so long ?
Rohit - Er, be specific man. That sounded like one of those sweet nothings you tell a chick after sex.
Elden - I am talking about peeing, okay.
Rohit - Okay, whatever. Yeah, maybe.
Elden - Motherfucker !!!
Rohit - Now what ?
Elden - The fucking flush does not work.
Rohit - Motherfucker !!! Thats another thing i will have to strike out from the things to do before you die list. 'Pee on another man's pee.' Thats just fucking sweet.
Elden - Dude, i am done.
Rohit - This place fills me with as much confidence as recovering sexaholic Russell Brand telling poor, unsuspecting Katy Perry: "You’re the only one for me, luv"

* Elden comes out, I go in. I close the door, he waits for me outside while i go in*

Rohit - Fuuuuuckkkk. Ooooh, Aaaaah....... I have waited soo long for this.
Elden - Dude, please stop having an oral orgasm in there.
Rohit - Fuck off man ! Not every moan has to symbolize sexual liberation. Do yourself a favour and cut down the 'Naughty America' for a few days. Maybe then, you can distinguish a 'relief' moan from a 'BJ' moan.
Elden - Now, some perspective here. An All-Guys hostel and No Naughty America is like Metallica without Cliff Burton.
Rohit - True that. Metallica turned a bit shite after he died.Bless the great man's soul ! FYI , My Reynold's number now above 4000.
Elden - If i remember Juggy D's ramblings correctly in Fluid Mech class, you are clearly experiencing Turbulent Fluid Flow. Ha ha, they should put a miniature airhostess inside your tract. "Ladies and Gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts, we are expecting turbulence."
Ha ha ha Ha ha.
Rohit -You Sir, are a disgusting little motherfucker. But tell me, why on earth do you call him Juggy D ?
Elden - Well, if i had a name like Jagdeeshwaran, i would have sued my parents for every freaking penny they got.
Rohit - Not that you have a great name anyway. When i first heard your name i thought you were Elton and Gay.
Elden - I would rather be Gay, than have the name of the hairy protagonist in every second pseudo-homo bollywood flick .
Rohit - Whatever rocks your boat, man ! By the way, there is some graffiti written here above the flush. You read ?
Elden - I saw it but i dont really like to multitask.
Rohit - Its in Hindi, it says - "नन्हे मुन्ने बच्चे तेरे मुट्ठी में क्या है ? "
Elden - Ha ha ha ha.
Rohit - Some imagination to come up with that ! Jesus Christ !!
Elden - Dont take the Lord's name with the Weener in your hand.
Rohit - Sorry.

*I finish with my thing and go out*

Elden - This conversation never happened and no one needs to know.
Rohit - Seriously dude.

In seemingly happier times.

Thursday, 6 August 2009

Cinema Junkie.

As i have nothing noteworthy to do, i have spent the best part of two days making a list of the 100 best movies that i have seen. Its much much harder than you would think but here goes.

1 Fight Club
2 The Godfather: Part 2
3 Pulp Fiction
4 The Godfather
5 Shawshank Redemption
6 Scarface
7 Seven Samurai
8 Lord Of The Rings - Return Of The King
9 Ran
10 The Usual Suspects

11 The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
12 Schindler's List
13 12 Angry Men
14 Silence of the Lambs
15 Braveheart
16 Taxi Driver
17 Cidade de Deus
18 Goodfellas
19 Memento
20 Lord Of The Rings - The Two Towers

21 Raging Bull
22 No Country For Old Men
23 Apocalypse Now
24 Lord Of The Rings - Fellowship Of The Ring
25 The Dark Knight
26 Sin City
27 Blade Runner
28 Star Wars - The Empire Strikes Back
29 Se7en
30 A Clockwork Orange

31 Psycho
32 Gladiator
33 Dr Strangelove
34 V For Vendetta
35 Trainspotting
36 The Prestige
37 Requim For A Dream
38 Das Boot
39 Reservior Dogs
40 The Shining

41 Saving Private Ryan
42 One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
43 Forrest Gump
44 L.A Confidential
45 Full Metal Jacket
46 The Lives Of Others
47 Oldboy
48 Yojimbo
49 Terminator 2
50 Jaws

51 Inglorious Basterds
52 Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels
53 Amelie
54 Infernal Affairs
55 Raiders Of The Lost Ark
56 Casino
57 Batman Begins
58 La Haine
59 American Beauty
60 Der Untergang

61 Pan's Labrynth
62 The Last Samurai
63 Donnie Darko
64 A Beautiful Mind
65 The Matrix
66 The Seventh Seal
67 Mulholland Drive
68 There Will Be Blood
69 Audition
70 Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas

71 The Pianist
72 American Psycho
73 Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
74 Scent Of A Woman
75 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
76 Kill Bill
77 Heat
78 Citizen Kane
79 Unforgiven

80 Battle Royale
81 Die Hard
82 Fargo
83 The Last Emperor
84 In The Mood For Love
85 Y Tu Mama Tambien
86 Hotel Rwanda
87 Leon
88 The Big Lebowski
89 Snatch

90 American History X
91 The Exorcist
92 Motorcycle Diaries
93 Rane
94 In Bruges
95 Ichi The Killer
96 Au Revoir, Les Enfants
97 300
98 Road To Perdition
99 Sympathy For Mr Vengeance
100 Into The Wild

Dont kill me if i havnt mentioned your favourite movie in here. This list is based purely on my opinion and i understand if you happen to think of my opinion as wank.Also, I know i watch too many movies and as a result i will be making changes to the list from time to time.

Last updated - 17th December, 2009.

Saturday, 7 February 2009

Music And Me

I was never that much into music in my childhood. I was much into cartoons and books. And Girls.

Well, i am not too proud of my musical beginnings. The first band that i heard and liked, and was anything remotely close to Rock was Linkin Park.I am not ashamed to admit it now, but i went two whole years thinking in my mind that LP was the best band in the world. A classic case of the 'Frog in the Well' Syndrome. Then Metallica happened to me.

Credit goes my old friend Cyril. Then straight out of London with the cockney accent in place, he asked me one day after class if i had heard of Metallica. It was a time when MI:2 had just come out and they were constantly showing its OST (I Disappear) on the music channels. So i told him that i had. Even though it was just one song(which i didnt tell him then),the fact that i heard about Metallica impressed him enough to be friends with me. Another weird thing about the whole affair was that i had the whole of Metallica's discography on my hard disk, but was never arsed to listen to them, and i needed this new friend of mine to wax lyricals about them 24-7 to inspire me to listen to them. Thank God for that !

Unlike my Linkin Park phase, The Metallica phase was never going to end. Even to this very day, when upset or angry, its 'Master Of The Puppets' or 'Seek and Destroy' which helps me regain myself. Never gets old this routine.

After i started listening to Metallica, there opened a lot many metaphorical windows in me and before i knew it i was listening to all of 80s Thrash/Heavy Metal. Maiden, Anthrax,Pantera, Testament,Kreator,Megadeth and Slayer. I was awe inspired when i heard Maiden for the first time.Orgasmic almost. 'Hallowed Be Thy Name' was the song in question. Couldnt sleep that night, with THAT famous riff going on and on in my mind . I was bloody counting Dickinsons before i slept that night. One Bruce, Two Bruces, Three...

My romance with 80s Thrash went on as i listened to every album i could lay my hands on. From 'Reign In Blood','Rust In Peace', 'Master Of The Puppets' to 'Among The Living' and 'Extreme Aggression', i bloody listened to them all. And I loved them.

During this extreme Thrash infatuation period, i was made to listen to a bit of Punk Rock by some of my friends in high school. No offense guys, but the likes of Good Charlotte, New Found Glory,Simple Plan and All American Rejects just dont do it for me. After listening to their music i was absolutely convinced that the people who listened to their music are probably either men with extreme levels of bodily estrogen who wear pink frilly panties in private or EMOs of the highest order. The topic and subtopic of every song is the same. The girl has left me. So i will pen down my emotions so that i can croon about my feelings to a bunch of prepubescent EMOs whose girls have left them as well. We can then cry together and with a bit of luck turn the whole thing into wild gay orgy and in the process make the world a better place to live in.

After the whole unfortunate and utterly avoidable punk mini phase, i was introduced to the world of Black Metal, and like every newbie i was shocked beyond my wits when i heard Dimmu Borgir for the first time. 'Progenies of the Great Apocalypse' was the song. The heavy riffs, fast drumming and guttural vocals surprised the intestines out of me. But slowly Shagrath and his awesome band grew on me and with the passage of time, i could come to terms with their brilliance and consequently fall in love with their music. This started of a phase of obsession for me in terms of anything closely related to Scandinavian and Black Metal.Again, i listened to stuff from every band that i could find. After Dimmu, i listened to Dark Funeral, Emperor,Marduk, Fintroll, Graveworm, Catamenia and Satyricon, just to mention a few. I read up about the legendary pioneers like Mercyful Fate,Venom and Bathory. And then about Barzum and Varg's Church Arsons. I thought it was barbaric and disgraceful.

Discovered Melodeath and Power Metal almost around the same time. Children Of Bodom and Kalmah . What bands they are ! Its bloody unbelievable the amount of depth in some of the Kalmah songs.Their bass guitarist seems insanely talented to pull off some of the stuff that he does. That said, even some of Bodom's riffs are absolutely out of the world. Alexi Laiho ! What a man you are !

Around the same time, i discovered the Grand Daddy Of Metal. Black Sabbath. That would prove be one band that almost came close to influencing my life as much as Metallica had done. There really isnt much to say about them except they singlehandedly created Metal. Its not without reason that its said that these 4 dudes from Birmingham are directly or indirectly responsible for every metal riff that you will ever hear. All that said and done, most of my free time these days is spent on air guitaring to Crazy Train's solo.

My Dad is a big fan of Classical Rock and he introduced me to it . He did this when i was hooked to LP for good and my old man decided that his son ought to have better musical taste than the current trash he was listening to. So he introduced me to the world of Led Zep,Pink Floyd, AC/DC, The Beatles, Deep Purple, Eagles,Springsteen,The Doors, Bob Dylan and the like.Nothing really there to say about the legends that each of them were except....
What a man you are Daddy :-)

Currently, i am going through a Progressive Metal phase, listening to a lot of Dream Theater. In fact i am listening to the Metropolis album as i type my longest ever entry on the blog. Protnoy and Petrucci are Gods.

Adios. And if you actually read up till here, Muchos Gracias ;)

Friday, 7 November 2008

Time Table

0445: Waking up to the 'Stairway To Heaven' solo.
0455: Brush and make Tea.
0500-0530 :Get my tracksuits and shoes on, gulp the tea,wake up my roomie (which requires considerable effort from both sides)
0545: Morning Muster
0600-0700: Physical conditioning (not pleasant)
0700-0800: Breakfast,bath and getting ready(includes housewife jobs like ironing the uniform and polishing shoes)
0830:Annex muster
0900-16:30 - In the classroom.
1700 - Back to the room (Read Home Sweet Home)
1700-1900 - Check orkut scraps, wash socks and other important jobs.
1900-1915- Getting ready for dinner
1915-2000: Dinner
2015- Night Muster
2030 - 2200: Time usually spent in academic pursuits
2200-2300 : Complete the remaining levels in Max Payne or call up friends. Call up mom. When i skip dinner, i usually prepare noodles and then proceed to devour it at this time.
2300 - Lights off.

P.S - Started reading Paul McGrath's autobiography, 'Back From The Brink'. Brilliant read thus far.

Saturday, 23 August 2008

The Dark Knight

Well, what can be said that hasn't already been said. Just a great, great film. Everything about it was 'right' if you ask me.

Heath Ledger, now I was a little concerned that after all the hype about his performance that actually seeing it would have been a natural anti climax. It was far from that, his performance was just mesmerising, you couldn't physically take your eyes of him it was that intense, without a doubt his role was the show stealer, every scene he was in was amazing.

From what i could make out that there were conscious efforts from the filmmakers to make a serious and adult movie. By doing that they were then able to lose the traditional camp jester style acting of normal comic book films. The complexity of the story reminded me more of a crime thriller than a comic book, it was like watching a game of chess unfold. Just when you thought the good guys were starting to win the Joker pulls an ace out of his sleeve and results in the breakdown of many of the main characters in the film.

I particularly enjoyed the clash of philosophies, the added complexity of the characters and a distinct lack of CGI. Cain, Freeman, Bale and Eckhart were all excellent.Batman could do with a couple of strepsils though.

One of the best movies that i have seen for a long long time. Heath Ledger has well and truly nailed it.

Saturday, 31 May 2008

Wierd Dream

I had this very wierd dream yesterday,

I somehow managed to be playing for the Indian National Football Team and we were up against Afghanistan's national team, who had come over to Mumbai for a friendly. All fucking match I couldn't get a touch, every pass was mere inches away from my feet. Totally frustrating. After the game, the whole opposition team wanted to defect and we were all scared that the Taliban were going to come and kill us.

Really, the whole thing was one terrible nightmare, and for me, the fact that in my dreams I couldn't even get a touch was beyond infuriating. For some reason i was playing on the left wing, which happens to be a position i have never played before. Bastard coach.

On a seemingly unrelated note, I hear that being bored and jobless all the time leads you to have the most crazy arsed dreams of your life. Sad but true.

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Kings Of Europe

I distinctly remember the day we were knocked out of the First round of the Champions League by Benfica. I remember lying down on my bed and looking at the dark ceiling and wondering if it would ever come back again. At that time , we had gone two years without the Premierleague and with almost no hope of winning it that year as well. The mediocrity was painful and watching our ineptitude in Europe tore my soul. But with Sir Alex at the helm, i knew that his third great team would come, sooner or later.Fast forward one year, and we are again beginning to play football expected of Manchester United. We were back to tearing apart teams without breaking sweat and scoring a bucketful of goals. Most importantly, the swagger was back. I knew we had turned a corner.

Three years after that heart shattering defeat at Benfica,i have experienced the most surreal night in my life. The whole game just passed me by as a dream and when Edwin saved Anelka's shot, we had reached the promise land, again. I remembered all those hollow promises i made to God during those dark days in order to make us win it again, and couldnt help but cry as they all celebrated the glorious triumph. I watched Ronnie sobbing on the floor and i am convinced that he is here to stay. He is going nowhere. Ramon Calderon, Bernt Schuster and all you Madrid fucks, he is ours. You can take your grub and shove it up where the sun dont shine.

Last night I felt an immense sense of pride , just so proud of the way that they played the game, ,so proud of their determination, doggedness,skill, courage and desire . They have displayed all the characters which epitomises Manchester United. It was wonderful to see the youngsters enjoying themselves and now that they have tasted this kind of glory, they'll want to drink from the well of it a lot more often. For players like Paul Scholes,Edwin Van Der Sar and Ryan Giggs, what a fitting achievement as sun begins to set on their playing careers - but let's not forget the inspiration that they have given to all those young kids around them. The ghosts of Leverkusen, Madrid, Porto,Benfica and Milan are finally put to bed.

Yes, it was a fitting tribute to the Busby Babes,and i am sure that they are having a party up there as i write this. Them along with Sir Matt and George Best. Thank you for watching over the lads and enjoy the party. I knew that you would have never let us lose.

Manchester United - Champions of England, Kings of Europe. The First Double after Cantona and the kids.

Monday, 12 May 2008

Freebird And All That.

Been a very eventful last 5 days.

Had CET on Friday. I hadnt studied much for it and as far as i am concerned i dont give two hoots for Engineering. One of my friends made a point about Engineers being mass produced in the country today and i think she was spot on ! Anyways, enough of the propaganda. My CET center was some Marathi medium school not very near my house. It looked in a desperate state of disrepair from the outside and a tad like those rundown buildings which have a high probability of ghastly spirits farting out loud. The invigilators were 'marathis' of the highest order. They gave the instructions in chaste marathi and derived sadistic pleasure as some of us looked around, trying to decipher the seemingly alien tongue. The fan rotated so slowly that even Liverpool could have won the premier league before it completed one complete revolution.In this sweltering heat i committed the cardinal sin of forgetting to apply the deo and if the person sitting behind me could not do too well in his exam, he isnt entirely at fault. Anyways,I did the best i could .No more exams for atleast a month now.

Next day, i had Laser Surgery of the eye. Merchant navy supposedly have this criteria of a 6/6 vision. Maybe it has to something with the fact that spectacles and navy suits look hideous together. Anyways, the surgery took just about 10 minutes but the experience was quite intense. Certainly, not for the faint hearted.After the surgury, I wasnt allowed to watch TV, sit of the PC and read books for a day , so i called up a few old friends begging them to talk to me , as i sat in bed with new found vision and my boredom for company.

As my vision turned from blurry to clear and with the subsequet decrease in the levels of paranoia in my parents, i started reading the cult book 'Five Point Someone'. It has been two years of people telling me how i absolutely cannot afford to not read it , but i was too into John Grisham and Frederic Forsyth to give a fuck about some IIT mugger talking about his nerdy friends and strict professors and how he bumbled about in front of hot females (all supposed characteristics of students of the famed institute). Anyways, i loved the book and i could not help but not help but admire the work put in . I loved the author's cynical outlook towards life, which reminded me a bit of myself.

Manchester United have retained the Premier League title. It feels heavenly. Take a blow , lads. Been a fantastic season. Alex Ferguson, I fucking love you, sir.

P.S - Just announced, ISC results out on the May 17th. The worms in the stomach are starting to squirm and wriggle out. Shit !

Friday, 2 May 2008

An Open Letter

To Whomsoever It May Concern,

Now that i am nearing the culmination of my High School days, its only natural that i do this. Firstly my apologies to every gimp that i have wound up. I am clearly in love with you lot and thanks for being a neverending source of entertainment.

Secondly, a big thank you to all my teachers for putting up with my nonsense all this time. Hope you enjoy your remaining teaching days and a sincere prayer from my side,that you do not have to meet a boisterous prick like me again.

Thirdly to all the people that i have hurt unknowingly, i am very sorry and i will always wish that i could take my words and actions back. Kindly remember and associate me with the laughter,whilst ignoring the loud "sonovabitch" shriek that continuously resonates from the back of your head at the very mention of my name.

Last but not the least , for the ones i have knowingly pissed off.You are like a bunch of bitchy prepubescent girls in the playground, rather than a collection of intelligent, genuinely sensitive and articulate human beings. Its imperative that most of you have the intellect of a gnat and the culmination of this scenario will be your demise in a slow and agonizing manner leading to you losing your mind.I politely register my astonishment at how the fuck did some of you gain access to a supposedly beautiful place called 'World' which you now go on defacing with your vileness. You are so desperate that i am in no doubt, that you will experience the joys of copulation for the first time in the sole companionship of a mahogany Tree. Fucking plantfuckers.

That will be all.
Night Night Children.

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

We Are Going To Moscow

The adrenalin is still pumping after experiencing another magical European night at Old Trafford, a night which is sure of a special place in the history of this great club. The crowd was immense and the atmosphere electric. I am fucking proud the way we performed.The wonder goal by Scholesy, the tireless running by Nani, Park and Tevez, the resilience of Evra, Brown and Hargreaves and the fantastic leadership by Rio. We have done everyone proud ,from the spirits of the Busby Babes, George Best , Sir Matt Busby and every other person who is connected to this great club of ours. Manchester United , I love you more than anything i have ever loved. I write this with tears in my eyes and pride in my heart, go ahead and win the cup for us !

We Shall Not Be Moved !

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Memoirs Of An Old Friend

I met this very old friend from school,this evening. He was a good lad but wierdly i dont really remember much about him, though one very funny incident came back to me.

I think it was the 6th standard, when we were about 12-13, this old friend of mine liked this girl. He was a bit of a tard and we were just kids. He came up with a sure-fire plan that could not go wrong for him. He ended up proposing to her on one-knee in the middle of the football ground, with a fake plastic ring you get free with Poppins, and asked her if she would do him the honor of making him complete. She laughed in his face, everyone else laughed, he ran away to the toilet and someone stole his pokemon cards.

Monday, 14 April 2008

Momentary Respite And Tom Hanks

It was a wonderful day yesterday, i am freed of the ghastly chains of JEE and United tore the Gooners a new arsehole. Owen Hargreaves - I fucking love you, sir.

I had just one day, to nurse the hangover of the very eventful day previously,and warm myself in the embers of freedom before i get my head down to start my AIEEE preparations.I thought of giving myself a treat and took out the "Forrest Gump" DVD from the now scarcely touched video library in my room. It was battling with the other half of me which wanted to see "The Other Boleyn Girl" in the nearest theater, but i guess my laziness triumphed over my desire of seeing Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson on the same screen. I have always loved those two and i have always loved period films but i just couldnt inspire myself to move out of the house.

In the end i think i made a good choice. I couldnt believe i had the DVD for so long and could not be arsed to watch it. Honestly, I've never felt that emotion for a good few years, I was getting worried that I might have been transformed into a robot devoid of any emotion. It was the part when Forest started to break down talking to Jenny's grave and I must admit it brought a tear to my eye , not many films have done that ! The only movie i remember Tom Hanks was better was probably "The Green Mile".

Later on,I was a bit annoyed that i wet myself over a movie . Fucking Hell !

Friday, 11 April 2008

A Nocturnal Tryst With Halliday

IITJEE is just a mere 48 hours away and I havnt slept a wink since day before yesterday. I feel knackered, weak and hopeless.Its 8 in the morning and keeping awake is a struggle, but i know i have to go on. Giving up is not an option and never will be.However, my eyes feel heavy and they rebel against my wishes to study further. Alphabets appear as a collective blur of dancing neon lights and the warm cozy bed is as tempting as Salma Hayek in "Desperado". I have studied a mere 15 days for an exam which people fail to crack after 2 whole years but Miracles do happen.

I am off to bed.

Friday, 4 April 2008

Confessions Of An Eccentric Loner

I am amongst those silent brooding guys that middle aged women frown at, marking us down as a "potential rapists". So its needless to say that I am not exactly the type of person you would come upto and start talking about the weather. I very well know of the fact that people find me intimidating and I like to play along with the myth and project a very serious face which is supposed to convey that "if you come anywhere near me, i will abduct you and then torture you with corkscrews." Not that i am a mushy bastard who writes poetry in his free time, but i am pretty much normal like everyone, almost. Though,I admit to having bouts of eccentricity wherin i enjoy getting rid of all my bodily sensations and accessories, but let me warn you of the fact that it isnt a pretty sight and that it has the potential to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Over the past year i have learnt that the thing i treasure the most in my life is privacy and i hate it when people attempt to rob me off it, though i have an immense arsenal of explecitives that i employ and use with distinction , telling them exactly what i want them to do. I have not turned antisocial all of a sudden,but i enjoy the peace and quiet. I have lots of friends but its just that i am too lazy to call them regularly and this has pissed quite a few who in turn have labelled me with various uncomplimentary names as an "Insensitive Prick". My brother is so outgoing that he makes Paris Hilton look like a nun and he is constantly telling me to "go get a life." But i guess staying at home and spending sometime with myself feels as good as anything.I think i am done with my days of being a wildchild.

I guess, this is what they mean when they talk of growing up.


All the stuff in this blog are creations of the dastardly and severely demented mind of the person to whom this blog belongs to, unless mentioned otherwise.

A request here to kindly resist the temptation to reproduce things from my blog and show it as your own in order to impress your friends because if i find out, i will drag your plagiarist arse to court and have Micheal Jackson falsely accuse you of molestation.